


Like Seriously! How hard can it be to find 'The One'!!

by MorganWolf



Category: Jupiter Ascending (2015)
Genre: Christmas, F/M, JA Secret Santa, JA Secret Santa 2020, Kylemore Abbey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:46:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28282662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganWolf/pseuds/MorganWolf
Summary: Ja Secret Santa story for Xidaer!!!Merry Christmas, and I hope you like it!!
Relationships: Jupiter Jones/Caine Wise, Kiza Apini/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	Like Seriously! How hard can it be to find 'The One'!!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Xidaer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xidaer/gifts).



Being ‘the’ queen definitely has its perks.

I have assistants, who have assistants, who have assistants, who have assistants. In other words, I have minions, to do my bidding for me. Or in this case, instead of me. Especially when I need a holiday, with my beautiful space angel werewolf boyfriend, whom I heard along the grapevine (Kiza) has something special he wants to ask me. Soooo, what is it that I do to get a holiday organised? I delegate, to said minions. No, not the cute funny little yellow dudes that like bananas and work for bad guys and blow shit up, but the multitude of humans and splices and robots (ok, Sims) and yeah, some aliens too.

I have security guards, tailors, seamstresses, lawyers, advocates, body guards, cooks, whole armies of mixed kinds of peoples, cleaners, major-domo’s’, accountants, animal groomers, plumbers, weapons dealers, a master of whispers or three, Alcazar staff, ships crews, maintenance crews, dozens of planets full of people, yeah you get the picture. There’s always someone who can do the stuff I can’t or don’t want to do. Or shouldn’t do, because, according to Stinger, it’s “not Queenly” to do it. Bah, spoil-sport!! Pbbbtt!! But what I really, really want is a holiday. Somewhere pretty, old school, remote, and maybe with a bit of snow, just for that romantic “sheepskin rug in front of the fireplace” type thing. Luckily, there is still plenty of places like that on my home world that I still haven’t visited yet. Now let’s see, where’s a map of Earth? “Alcazar, show me a map of Earth, please.” I say out loud, and look around for the box of virtual darts I saw nearby, a while ago. “Yes, Your Majesty.” replies the AI voice of the residence I’m currently inhabiting.

A hologram of Earth appears in the middle of my room, at just the right size and height for me to see everything easily. “Ok, spin the globe.” The globe turns slowly in front of me. “Faster. Faster Bit more. Yeah, that will do.” The globe is spinning just fast enough now that I can see the outline of the continents, but not the details on it. I grab the holo-darts, and throw one, two, the third bounces off. “Oh funny, ha ha, AL.” I comment sarcastically. Apparently, my Alcazar Ai has a sense of humour. Well, I guess that’s what I get for letting Kiza fiddle with the programming. Throw the fourth and fifth darts. “Stop, please.” I say, and the globe stops spinning. “Show me where the darts landed.” The globe disappears, and five holos line up in front of me, four with holo-darts sticking out of them. “Ok, let’s see. There’s Dubrovnik in Croatia Pretty blue oceans and living museum town, nice. Easter Island in Chile, Titus’ art installation in his 400th year. Maybe another time. Sossusvlei in Nambia. Picturesque, but hot. Maybe somewhere cooler? Rangali Island Resort, Maldives? What’s that one?”

My Ai displays images of the resort showing elegant underwater dining hall, palm tree alfresco dining, over the water spa huts with glass floors and open-door views of the ocean. “Oh, that looks nice and relaxing. Not sure how Caine would be with all that water though. Maybe for a short day-trip or something might be relaxing. Ok, so what was the one where the dart ‘missed’?” The holos disappear, and a new set shimmer to life. A medieval looking snowscape appears, complete with a small castle, frozen lake, and snow-covered open grounds and forested mountains surrounding it all. “Oh wow.” I sigh. “That’s the one. Details?”

“Kylemore Abbey is the oldest Benedictine Abbey in Ireland. Construction began in Earths’ 1867, taking one hundred splices four years to build by hand. It is 3,700m2, has over seventy rooms including 33 bedrooms, four bathrooms, 4 sitting rooms, library, gun room, ballroom, kitchen, and staff quarters. There is also a gothic church, mausoleum, and a Victorian walled garden.” “The castle was turned into an abbey in 1920 for the Benedictine Nuns who fled Ypres in the World War One from Belgium. The nuns offered education and boarding to Catholic girls for 90 years. Since Earth year 2015, the Abbey has been working with a famous university to host academic programs for the university’s students, and has recently renovated some rooms in the abbey. Currently, it is open for public tours and nature walks.” “That’s the place. That’s where I want to go for a holiday. It’s Christmas anyhow, and about time everyone relaxed for a change. Make it happen.” I commanded the Ai. “Yes, Your Majesty.” Stinger’s going to have a coronary, but hey, it’s Christmas, almost.

Two hours later ….

“You can’t be serious, Your Majesty!” Stinger grumbles, barging into my lounging rooms and shooting Caine a ‘Is she serious/how could you let her do this/ didn’t you talk her out of it/oh for fucks’ sake, put a shirt on already/no, take it all off’ look, and waving the sheaf around like it’s on fire. Fuck, here we go. “Do you have any idea how much of a security risk a place like that is? It sits one side of a mountain, with a bloody lake in front of it. No landing platform, 180-degree views, hardly any way in or out! Are you out of your mind girl?” he rants. I lift an eyebrow at Stinger. “Yup. Totally. Mad girl here. Lok me up and throw away the key!” I telling him with a dead-pan expression in my face, lifting my hands up, wrists together for the handcuffs for added emphasis.

“Ugh, Jupiter! Really?! Why can’t you take this seriously?” Stinger groaned as he rubbed his forehead in frustration. “That’s what I have you for Stinger. But seriously, I really need a holiday. And junk food, and a warm rug in front of an open fire.” I tell him sincerely. “It’s been how long, 2 years, since I had a break? And these damn trade negotiations with Baronet Ralphwolf for the Grand Duke Raimundus of the Noggukha Empire is giving me a migraine to rival ‘The Big Bang’.” And Kiza’s had bad breakups with both of those creeps. Any wonder I’m not winning this negotiation crap! I mean, who dumps someone because "We're just at different points in our lives" and "My cat doesn't like you." Morons! Cat’s are awesome, dogs too! “Just do what you have to, and try to keep it quiet? Nothing ruins a holiday like intruders.” I sighed. “You will give me a heart attack one of these days, Your Majesty.” stated Stinger, leaving Caine and I alone. “I don’t envy him his job.” I tell Caine, grabbing his hand. “But he is the Chief of Security. C’mon, bath time.” Caine grunts happily as I lead him to the huge marble bath /swimming pool room. Yes, being queen definitely has its perks.

*****

Stinger really is amazing at his job. A week after Christmas in Chicago with my family, I sit in the forward viewing screen of my clipper eagerly trying to see through the cloud bank Lexi Walsh is navigating through. “Urgh, are we there yet?” I groan. Caine huffs gently behind me, and feeling the warmth of his body behind me, I lean back onto his chest and he wraps an arm around my waist. “Not much longer now, Your Majesty.” Lexi lets me know, and I can hear the smile in her voice. I think they’re all looking forward to a bit of R&R. “Here we go, Your Majesty.” Lexi says, before continuing on to her co-pilot Jax Gallows, the two running through the landing protocols. Looking out the view screen, I watch mesmerised as we descend quickly from a bank of thick fluffy clouds into a magical winter landscape, complete with snow-covered castle, frozen lake stretching a mile in diameter, and snow frosted gardens and mountains. I smiled when I saw the line of guards along the walkway between the castle and landing pad were carrying fire torches, to light our way. It completed the look well. “Caine!” I exclaimed. “It’s perfect!!! “Mhm,” he agreed, huffing into my neck. “Shall ‘I carry Your Majesty over the threshold’? Or would you prefer I escort you on my arm?” he asked, and I could definitely hear the grin in his voice. “Oh you’re sooo gonna get it!!!” I mock-scolded him, and raced out to the grav beam.

Three days later …..

After another mind-blowing sex-scapade on the thick furred rug (yeah its faux fur!!! I don’t like killing animals or anything else for sport or fashion) in front of the totally real fireplace, I’m happily using Caine’s chest for a pillow, his knot locking me onto him, and both of us thoroughly, well, fucked!!! “You know, I think we should at least make an attempt to go exploring the grounds at some stage. That kinda is the reason I picked this place. And it’s been, what, 3 days since we got here, and all we’ve done is have sex.” I commented with what little energy I have left to exist. Caine’s just that good (*insert huge-arse grin here*). “Your Majesty is complaining about my mad skills at shagging?” he sighed, and proceeds to make his cock throb inside me. It takes me a good 10 minutes to come back to earth after that one, “Oh ha ha! Very funny.” I drawl sarcastically. “But your skills are the best ever!” “Yes,” he states simply. “They are. Grrrrrrr!” Caine sits up suddenly and wraps his arms and wings around me. The movement is too much for me, again, and another 10 minutes later, I finally surface to see why he growled.

“Oh, about time!!! Here you two are, rooting each others brains out for three days straight, and he my love life is going to shit!!” moans a familiar voice. Caine growls under his breath again, and I huff into his neck. “Kiza, you’re love life is a disaster! When are you going to let me find someone for you? I know a few young single guys who would love to ask you out.” Caine drops one wing enough for me to look over it. Kiza is sprawled out dramatically on the off-white fainting couch, arm draped over her face. “No offence Jupe, but I am rather picky!!” “You. Picky? Seriously?” I ask amazed. “What about that Monk Rodbertus?” “I just couldn’t take the bad sex anymore!” she replied. “Chancellor Ivo of the Raenada Empire?” Caine added. “I now pronounce you dumped single. You may now kiss my ass." she intoned, waving her free hand around like an orchestra conductor. “Cardinal Theobald” I list off. "I need time to focus on my career." “What career?” I snarfle. “Professional Jupe annoyer.” Caine butts in, ducking elegantly out of the way of a projectile fluffy cream cushion, smirk on his face. “Grand Duke Raimundus who I'd rather masturbate than be with; Earl Ronald Anthonix dumped me via text a few years ago: "I would spend the rest of my life with you, if only you liked anal sex." Flash forward five years and he emails me apologizing, asking me to marry him because "anal isn't that important to me anymore." Kiza continues on.

I can’t help laughing at that one. “And that guy, Landgrave Moyses. UGH!! One of my ex's cats’ was named Ben, and he had a cat named Bundles. One day I called Bundles 'Ben,' and he asked me what I just called his cat. I thought about it, and then remembered that it was my ex's cat's name. I laughed and told him and he was super unimpressed. He broke up with me the next day.” she ticked off her list. “Adrihen Johnath - I broke it off as soon as I found out about the first one he was cheating on me with, and found out about the three others later. Anyways, he was begging me to stay with him and I yelled at him "No way, you fucked her on a picnic table at a playground" and he actually said to my face "It was an accident, I slipped and my dick fell in. Moron” “What, he actually thought you’d believe that?” I asked incredulously. “Yup. Total moron.” she replied. Caine shifted underneath me, and next second later, he somehow managed to stand up, with me still attached to him and his wings around us. I smiled at him appreciatively, and nodded in the direction of the ‘fresher unit. Kiza rolled herself off the fainting couch with the gracefulness of an octopus falling from a rock into the ocean, and followed us. “Still no boundaries.” Caine chuckled.

“Boundaries? What boundaries!! Just remember I’ve seen you naked so many times over the centuries.” Kiza retorted dismissively. “Most of those times I was unconscious.” Caine told me, in his defence. “Yeah, someone had to save your arse, and Da’s, from those pub fights.” “That he dragged me into.” Caine added. “But they were fun.” He set me down on my feet gently and blocked the doorway with his wings. “Oh wow, free at last.” I joked, wobbling a little and grabbed onto his waist to steady myself. He just smiled beautifully at me saying “Your Majesty” in that way he does to make my insides all fluttery and stuff. “Mmmm, yeah, that still works for me.” I reply coyly. “Ugh, so gross! Move your feathery naked arse, wolf-boy!” Kiza teased as she ducked under his right wing. I just shook my head at her, smiled and stepped into the ‘fresher. Moments later, and Kiza hands me a robe, throws jeans at Caine and orders one of the sims-in-waiting to go find some light snacks. “In all fairness though, Ben was a pretty cool cat. And so floofy! Jupe you should have seen him. I swear on Orous’ rings he is the biggest floofy, long haired cream-coloured kitty I have ever seen. Maybe I should get a cat of my own?” Kiza monologued, following us back out to the rather large, but cosy warm bedroom. “This antique, medieval-style furniture is really ornate,” I remarked. “Alot of skill went into making this furniture.” “Oh, change the subject Jupe! Why don’t you care about my love life? It sucks!!” wailed Kiza dramatically.

“Oh Honeybee. You know I do!!” I told her, giving her a huge bear hug. “And I am going to help you. Caine has a friend who I think you really should meet. He’s very sweet, and into some of the same things you are. Oh, and he is excellent with bee hives and making honeyed mead.” Kiza’s brow furrowed. “Yeah, I don’t know. Sweet really isn’t my type.” she hesitated. “Exactly!” Caine duh-ed her. “That’s the whole point.” I rearranged a few hand embroidered cushions on an ornate lounge in a small alcove of my room, and plonked my royal behind down on it. I patted the space beside me, looking at Caine, but Kiza beat him to it, so he just sighed and shook his head, and arranged himself on the floor so he was leaning back against my legs. I automatically scratched a spot behind his ear, and he purred happily. “You sure you’re part wolf and not part cat?” Kiza commented sarcastically, winking at me. “Yep.” replied Caine. “But I know your more donkey splice than bee splice.” he returned. “Kiss my furry yellow ass!” “Point!” he smirked. “Dick!” “Yes. And Jupe loves it!” “I wouldn’t change you for anything, Caine!” I told him happily, and felt the warmth of his smile radiate through him. “I’ve arranged a fire-works show tomorrow night.” I informed Kiza, changing from scratching Caines head to massaging his neck. The purring increased. “Come and watch it with us. You never know, it might take your mind off things for a while.

The next night ……

Everyone gathered in the walled Victorian garden two hours after the sun retired for the night, finding a place to stand on the sloped section of the Formal Flower Garden, lit dimly with sparkling faery lights. The few members of my Royal Guard had set up the fireworks on the far side of the garden, to the horror of the head gardener. Luckily, Stinger had managed to placate him with promises that if anything went wrong, we would, of course, fix it. “A few bottles of Abejundio’s honeyed mead helped in smoothing things over.” Caine whispered in my ear, leading me towards a lovely blue bench between the two halves of the garden. “Are you sure you aren’t a mind reader too?” I smiled at him. “I’m sure, Jupiter. I just saw your glance at Stinger and the Head Gardener, and scented the change in your scent. The one that lets me know when you are worried, even for a moment, about something.” “Aww, schucks!! You’re going to make me blush.” “Your throne, Your Majesty.” he smiled as we arrived at the bench. “Sit with me?” I asked him as I sat down. And wow, the bench wasn’t even cold. I wonder if someone warmed it, somehow? “As you wish.” he replied, and gracefully hogged the remaining space on the bench next to me by laying down with his head in my lap, legs and boots hanging over the arm rest.

I nearly laughed, picturing Stinger across the garden seeing Caine ‘slacking-off’ and rolling his eyes at the Lycantant. “Here we go, Your Majesty.” said Caine. A dozen pops and high pitched whistles broke the stillness of the night, small glowing balls launching upwards, then exploding noisily into roses and some planets, like Earth and Orous, and mythical creatures, shimmering brightly for moments, before glittering away only to be replaced with tri-coloured starbursts, gold and silver supernovas, and so many other types of fireworks I’d never even imagined possible. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the pyrotechnics. I don’t know how long I sat there oohing and aahing. It was mind-blowingly amazing. Once it had finally finished, I stood and applauded the show. “You guys are brilliant!!! That was the best fireworks I’ve ever seen!!” I called out.

A ‘Woo-hoo’ and “Thank you, Your Majesty” and “Glad you liked it, Your Majesty!” came back. Stinger would definitely be having kittens about that, but hey, it’s Christmas. “I wonder where Kiza is?” I asked Caine. He pointed to a small dark area along the brick and granite wall. I could barely make out Kiza and “Who’s that with her?” I asked quietly. “Abejundio.” replied Caine. As I watched them I couldn’t tell if they were arguing or having a great time. “I’m going to go see if they’re ok,” I let him know, before. “Oh wait, never mind.” Kiza slapped Abe across the face and stormed back to the abbey. Caine and I both groaned at the same time. “Like seriously,” he grumbled. “How hard can it be to find ‘The One’?” “Impossible for her from the looks of things. C’mon handsome, let’s go find out what went wrong this time.” I sighed.

When we made it back to the entrance of the abbey, I stopped Caine under the archway. Looking at me curiously, he asked “Jupiter?” I pointed up. Suspended by a red ribbon was a cut of Mistletoe. He looked back down at me, an eyebrow raised. “Mistletoe. We have this tradition where …..” I never got to finish what I was going to say. Caine smiled and wrapped me in his arms and kissed me. “Merry Christmas, Jupiter.” he mumbled in between kisses. “Merry Christmas, Caine.” I mumbled back. “But we really should go find Kiza.” “As you wish.” he replied. We didn’t make it too far inside. Just around the corned we almost walked straight into Kiza and Abe madly slobbering all over each other’s faces. Ok, ok, they were kissing passionately. “Well, what do you know.” Caine laughed loudly, scaring the pair. “I guess you finally found ‘The One’ then?” I added. “I guess I did.” Kiza replied, laughing.

Ende

**Author's Note:**

> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kylemore_Abbey#:~:text=There%20were%2033%20bedrooms%2C%204,cook%2C%20housekeeper%20and%20other%20servants.  
> https://www.kylemoreabbey.com/  
> https://carolynsshadegardens.com/2019/08/18/kylemore-abbey-and-victorian-walled-garden-in-ireland/  
> https://www.pinterest.com.au/morganwolf078/like-seriously/


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